Author Logan Ury shares an exciting story of her friend in her Book “How Not To Die Alone.” To understand the bad habits that destroy men, let me tell you a story of an ordinary man. Want to know the story?
Story Of Paul
His name is Paul. Just average paul, not Logan paul.
He was a boy in his mid-20s who was good-looking, and his life was sorted! He has a decent job, from which he used to earn decently!
But still, his dating life was not good.
He used to go on dates with various girls, but for some reason, he didn’t succeed.
He always remains single! ???? He didn’t understand where the problem was!
Because, as many people say, that confidence is essential! He had a lot of confidence! He was doing well in his life, but he could still not get into a good relationship!
He had a childhood friend named Mary, with whom he had lived since childhood.
Till now they have been good friends! Their compatibility was also good! Both were singles too! But gradually,
Paul started having feelings for Mary! Mary also used to like Paul! So, they thought to explore more! And then they went on a date! Their date went well! Both had a good time together!
After that, Mary went to Paul’s apartment! There, they talked, and the date was over.
Everything was good! Paul was expecting that they would go further.
But still, Mary refused! She won’t go on a date further! She said you are a good person and friend too! But I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship! So, we can’t go further!
Paul didn’t understand the reason behind it! According to him, everything was okay! But why did it happen to him?
The author says it happened because Paul’s apartment was subconsciously triggering Mary that if she comes into a relationship with her, her life will also get filled up with garbage!
Because the thing was that, when she entered his apartment, a very bad smell started coming from that room!
She saw a lot of trash lying there! His toilet was also dirty! Clothes were lying here and there! Due to this, it was subconsciously triggered to Mary that their relationship would be like this,
Which would never be sorted!
The author says that maybe any girl won’t say it directly, but they feel that if a person can’t take care of his house, he won’t care about a relationship!
A person who can’t take care of his hygiene, who can’t take care of his environment, seems like a weak man.
1. Not Having Proper Hygiene
What makes you subconsciously weak is not having proper hygiene.
You should focus on your hygiene. Through this, you’d be healthy and seem strong consciously and subconsciously.
Like this, I’m going to share five more habits that make people weak in front of him and others too.
Try to remove these habits from your life gradually!
2. Obsessing over minor flaws
Itamar Shatz, a Ph.D. candidate at Cambridge University and founder of Effectiviology, says, ‘people destroy their own confidence due to a pattern of thinking called the spotlight effect.’
What is the spotlight effect?
Basically, what happens in the spotlight effect, is sometimes we put a big spotlight on a small thing, due to which we pay our whole attention to it!
We think the whole world is paying attention to it, but sometimes it’s not true.
For example, suppose there is a pimple on your face! Due to it, we often pay our whole focus on that pimple!
We touch it; keep paying attention to it! If we talk to a person because our spotlight is on that pimple, we think that the person in front is also looking at that pimple.
Whether that is true or not, it turns out to be true that it reduces your confidence and makes you weak.
So, the second habit is to stop focusing on small things.
It can destroy your confidence and can cause a lot of negativity, which you don’t need!
3. Doubting Yourself
In 2012, a study was done on some MBA students where a difficult task was given to them.
Those who scored low on that test were told that you don’t deserve this test! You’ve scored low on this test!
Then again, their test was taken with the same difficulty level! But because their confidence was low than before, so their test scores were worse than before!
This story concluded that whenever you think bad about yourself and start looking at yourself with low eyes, this thing starts to drop your confidence!
And then affects your actions and performance!
You must have heard the saying, ‘you become what you think! This thing applies here also! Well, how to fight it?
Author Debbie Ford says that ‘Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at life without attachment of being it right or wrong!
The author says that the biggest self-destructive thing we can do for ourselves lies to ourselves! And judging yourself and others wrongly!
You must have seen many times that people get stuck in the wrong relationship, which is very toxic.
But still, they ignore that truth and keep continuing! Due to this, both of them started becoming weak.
So, in these situations, it is essential to see things correctly! And instead of doubting things negatively, we should take positive actions to correct those things!
4. Always Going After Woman
According to an American survey, Until 30 years ago, 55% male population had at least six close friends! But today, this number is almost half! This means only 27% male population has 6 close friends.
See friends, every person meets many people in his life, in his 20s, school, colleges, and offices, where he makes several relationships.
But sometimes, he gets so much into a short-term relationship and breaks all his relationships, making their life difficult!
At the University of Rochester, a team of researchers did a hard-to-get experiment, where they learned that less approachable attract the opposite gender more.
Researcher Gurit Birnbaum says, ‘People who are too easy to attract, maybe perceived as more desperate.’
All these things mean that when you show so much desperation for anything, that thing makes you unattractive, according to the person in front.
And if you are desperate, you can ruin your other relationships too, which is unsuitable for the long term! So instead of being desperate for boy-girl, you have to focus on your life, and work on your purpose, work on your qualities, due to which people in front feel attracted to them.
And you would be able to make better relationships.
5. Not Having A Plan
Suppose there are two people who have to go to Ladakh.
To such peaks Ladakh where it is very difficult to go! First-person knows that the Ladakh trip can be difficult.
Many things would be unexpected. So, he does proper planning. He meets guides from there, watches videos, and does research.
And makes a proper plan of how he’ll purchase a bike, where he will go, which medicines to take, and what he will do and won’t do for oxygen! He has an exact plan! On the other side,
There is another person who just thinks that he has to go to Ladakh. He just buys tickets and leaves.
Tell me, who will be such a person among these two who will face any problem? Then he will confidently face that problem and maybe even go beyond it!
That person has a plan.
Things can go wrong with someone who doesn’t have a plan and maybe take his life.
Once Elon Musk was asked in an interview when you were starting Tesla, you didn’t feel that making affordable electric cars is nearly impossible! Because no one was able to do it!
Did you feel that you’d achieve success by overcoming all your problems?
Elon Musk replied that he knew how many problems could come this way! So, he had already made a plan for those solutions.
He had broken down the process of making an electric car! That is what problems can come in it, and how he’ll solve them! T
That means you can say he had already made a plan!
Because of this, it did not happen that he did not have to face the problem, but still, he was more comfortable and confident that he would achieve his goals because he had a solid plan.
So, it is necessary that you also should have a solid plan! Whatever goals you have to achieve, have a plan for that! I
it’s okay not to have a perfect plan, but having a plan is very important.
There’s a quote related to it, ‘A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week‘.
We’re not talking about those who have no plans. So, have this habit if you don’t want to be weak.
6. Not Taking Care Of Yourself
According to research by Westchester Medical Center, in our aged 18-28, we are in healthy life prime.
Where you can say our body performs best! The 20s is when you can shape your body in the best shape.
But many people start doing the worst things in their best phase.
They don’t take care of their health and body, keep eating junk food, don’t maintain hygiene, and indulge in bad habits, due to which their best time becomes their worst time.
That makes them mentally and physically weak in the future.
After the 20s, people start losing their muscle mass.
After the 30s, people lose muscle mass by 3-8% per year.
They start having wrinkles and start having hair loss.
It makes people weak directly and indirectly! So, it is very important to take care of yourself properly! Have proper food, give proper nutrients to your body, exercise correctly, and all this will make you a strong person!