How To Talk to a Girl Without Being Nervous or Anxious [3 Mantras]

One of my team members was telling me it’s a college time story, which he feels very embarrassed about. But the thing that happened with him may have happened with you.

I was sitting in a college lecture, and as you know, anyone can sit anywhere in the college. The cutest girl in the class was sitting where I was sitting that day. There are no lies in saying this; I was distracted during class.

I was not paying attention to the lecture, but my attention was going to that girl repeatedly! I was looking at her sometimes, and she was also looking!

Because of this, we had eye contact for a second It was feeling good at starting, but the best thing happened when, again, when our eyes met, she looked at me and smiled.

As soon as she smiled, I became so happy! I thought, ‘Wow’, she smiled, I should say something. She is sitting near me, which means she can listen to me quickly!

So, it’s a golden opportunity, I should talk to her now! I was thinking about it again; we had eye contact. We rolled our eyes as soon as our eyes met. Because of this, there was an indication that if I talk, then she would also talk to me. But as I thought, let’s talk, it started coming into my mind, what should I talk about?

Shall I ask about studies, ask for a pen, ask to give notes? Then I thought, let me say HI. I tried to speak after thinking, but words were not coming out of my mouth. We were only making eye contact, and our eyes were moving here and there.

That’s why I started feeling a little anxious. Weird insecurities started coming into my head. That, I just got a pimple on my face, the hair doesn’t look right, and the clothes look old too.

I don’t know what she will think if I talk to her. Just like that, thinking about all the insecurities, the class ended.

After this, I felt so defeated. That shit, she was sitting near me; I should have talked to her. After this, on the second day, we sat in different places.

After a week she was sitting near to me! I noticed she was looking at me today. Her body language was also positioned toward me!

I was so much sure today she would talk for sure. As I was about to talk to her, my heart was beating fast! My hands started sweating. What to talk about! What to talk about? What if I talk to her and she doesn’t reply? I will be insulted in front of all my friends.

This time she has looked and smiled too, but maybe she’s generally doing! Or maybe smiling at someone else. Or maybe she has a smiling nature.

If I look for a long time, she might feel awkward. The class ended thinking all these things! And I couldn’t speak anything. After which, I felt defeated again!

This time I decided that whatever happens if I get such a chance, I will introduce myself. I even bet with my friends; If I don’t talk next time, I’ll give you a party. I will spend 500 rs. for sure!

A few days passed like this, and I saw her in the library! Honestly, she looked very good. And after looking at her, I started feeling anxious!

But this time, somehow, I got myself introduced! That ‘hey, my name is Raj’! We sit together in Biology class, right? As soon as I spoke, she recognized me, smiled, and said, ‘Yes, I know you! My name is Sofia’. We sit in the same class, right?

We only talked so little, and then her other friend came! Seeing this, I became more anxious and left.

She also left! After that, we used to smile at each other! But I could never move forward! College ended just like that! Years later I came to know, from her friend, when I met her, I came to know that her friend Sofia, used to like you a little bit, and she wanted you to talk to her more.

But you ignored him two or three times, and even after talking, you did not talk well. She started thinking that you were not interested. You’re a little bit rude, maybe. By the time you talked to her, her feelings had changed! She started talking to someone else, who used to talk to her very well and also liked her. And later, they entered into a relationship.

That situation happens quite often with boys! They have a chance because they are hesitant and can not speak agreeably; in fact, they can not speak anything; because of this, their love story starts but never has a happy ending!

So, in today’s article, we’ll talk about this topic. How can we talk to a girl without feeling nervous or anxious? How should you do that if you are a girl and have to talk to a boy without feeling anxious? We’re going to talk about it.

I’m going to tell you 3 things precisely if you follow correctly, then for sure, without feeling scared or anxious, you can talk well with people and impress them, and maybe come into a relationship. Okay? Let’s know what those three points are! I am going to tell you this with the help of many books. But I’ve conceived it and put it in three things so that you don’t get confused and there would be no more points. There’d be only a few points. But if you apply these three points well, you’ll surely get results.

So, let’s know what those three points are.

#1. Clear Your Intentions.

This thing is being told in many communication-based books. And is also an important point; sometimes, how you’re talking is more important than what you’re talking about.

And this ‘how you’re doing has a lot of impacts if your intentions are not acceptable. Concerning many books, I’ll tell you what and how you can talk to girls or boys. If you won’t say all those things convincingly, and won’t be able to say them correctly, then there would be no benefit.

Now how to say it correctly? You’ll have to keep your intentions clear because your intentions can be seen in body language and talking. I’ve seen many boys, who like a girl heartily, which means they have different intentions, but when they talk, they talk like just friends.

And they always do things like friends. Due to this, they get friend-zoned. On the other hand, there are boys in extremes; they talk to every girl with bad intentions. They talk like they have to enter a relationship, and sometimes these people look jerks! And their way of talking isn’t good. And it shouldn’t be like this! Sometimes when you’re talking to an ordinary girl, you shouldn’t talk with bad intentions.

You should talk with some girls as a friend. If a girl comes near you and asks for directions, don’t think she is coming to you because she likes you, or don’t keep bad intentions. You’ll meet many girls in your life and will talk too, but it’s not like that, that you want to attract that girl towards you!

And if you want to attract every girl towards you, then stop it. If you’re meeting anyone on a train, in college, workplace many times, you should have clear intentions that she is just an average person you’re interacting with.

Or just an ordinary stranger who is asking for help. If you keep clear intentions like this, you’ll be able to communicate correctly, and it’ll help you to sort out things in your brain.

That, how you should talk to ordinary girls, and the one who is unique to you and whom you like a lot, how you should talk with her.

Have clear intentions for that! Because when you don’t have clear intentions, by mistake, you can get friend-zoned, and it can ruin your friendship also.

Mark Manson also suggests in his book if you like a girl, don’t go to her with the intention that you want to be just a friend, and I’m just trying to talk as a friend. Don’t lie to yourself and others.

This thing comes into sight and doesn’t even look right!! It shows that you don’t have confidence. Due to this, when you’ll have a chance, you may enter a relationship in the future. Still, you won’t be able to come into a relationship and will enter the friend zone area.

So, if you like a girl, keep clear intentions for her. And tell your feelings by communicating properly! Before doing this, Mark Manson suggests that you follow this point too.

#2. Assume the Interaction Will go Well.

The author says he was watching a documentary on Animal Planet, and the narrator studied the people who abuse dogs. There he tells dogs by rescuing them from harsh circumstances and comes to care homes so that someone may adopt them. So, these dogs cannot interact with the rest of humans; they face many problems.

Why? Because their past human interactions were harmful in experience. So, they are conditioned that humans will give them pain and danger. Due to this, they bark or are scared of them. The author says the same happens with humans. If you’ve ever talked to girls before and had terrible interactions, due to which you might get pain or get insulted, you’ll feel bad about talking to girls. You’ll hesitate and will feel more anxious.

It’ll ruin your confidence, and in the end, when you go to talk to someone because you’ll have low confidence, you won’t be able to talk well. On the other hand, if you assume that your interaction will go well and build such confidence, it will create a positive cycle. You’ll feel better, will talk properly, and your insecurity and nervousness will reduce, which, in the end, will make you more confident, and you’ll be able to talk well.

So, the first point is to assume that your interaction will go well when you talk to someone. Again, when doing this, your intentions matter a lot.

If you have clear intentions, you’ll get precise results.

3. Have a great sense of humor

Using humor during conversations can be risky sometimes. If you use it more, people will consider you a joker. Or if you crack a joke and no one laughs, you’ll feel awkward. But if you use it properly, this risky game will give you a high reward. You must have seen it many times; boys who can make people laugh automatically look so attractive. And this thing was concluded by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas.

He brought two different people to the public and got their conversations done. He noticed that the first person who was smart and academically intelligent when he talked to people performed poorly. He cracked jokes, but they didn’t land anywhere. No one found him funny! Whereas the other person, who was average intelligent, when he talked to people and made them laugh, people enjoyed him more.

And when people were asked, what do you think? Who’s more intelligent? Then a maximum number of people chose the second person as intelligent.

If you’re funny, you can attract more people, and people like you more! And this becomes one of the most significant factors for girls also! Because your intelligence and qualification often won’t matter, it’ll matter how well you can talk to girls and make them laugh.

Because there is research behind it, when a girl laughs, she releases a massive amount of dopamine in her brain, compared to boys, which is our feel-good hormone. Then obviously, if you’re a boy and can make a girl laugh, more hormones will release, due to which they will like you more.

3. Kill your fear

Whenever you feel hesitant while talking to a girl, then cognitive dissonance goes on in your mind. It means that, on the one hand, you know what you have to do, which means what’s the right action in that situation. Still, on the other hand, your powerful emotions, like fear and anxiety, all give excuses in your brain for why you shouldn’t do that thing, which is stopping you from taking action.

What to do about this? There is a philosophy for this, which is being told in ‘Can’t hurt me by David Goggins. He says when you reach this situation where you think you should do this thing, but still, you don’t do it, you put extra force into it.

For example, we all that that waking up in the morning, brushing, and taking cold showers are good for us. But they make us feel uncomfortable. The author says that you should start that by putting in extra force. And face more uncomfortable situations. Instead of running away, try to face them more. If you go to a social gathering, you’ll talk to a random person there, and he’ll make you feel uncomfortable.

And you’ll step behind. But no, at that time, you must remember going into uncomfortable situations is a must! And it’s also said that every day you should do one such work that will make you feel uncomfortable. And how to do it practically? For this, a practical method called ‘the 5-second rule’ kills the root.

Which will help you to kill your fear. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, you’re not going in that situation; then you count to 5. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. And as soon as you count 5, take action immediately! Like, for example, the countdown starts when the rocket launches. Ten Nine Eight… seven. Similarly, you can start the reverse countdown. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. And as soon as you count one, whatever work you feel hesitated about, go instantly towards it.

And the logic behind it is when we start giving time to our brain and start thinking, before doing any work, our brain makes excuses somehow and gives any reason that why shouldn’t we do that thing. Okay! And sometimes, it’ll be hard to fight with our brain, so there is a simple method to hack it, start the countdown, and don’t let that fear take birth in your mind. Take instant action! After that, it’d be easier to take action for you! And trust me, I’ve also tried this method many times. And it works well! If I have to talk to someone or do anything I feel scared about; then I try to minimize the gap between that work and its time.

The more it reduces, the more I’ll be able to do work. And you must have seen the work we feel scared about; once we start doing that work, that fear gradually reduces! Whereas the more we think about it, the more fear increases. And it happens during the stage also. If I’ve to go to talk on stage, if I start thinking a lot about it, then the fear will rise. And maybe, while starting, the fear will remain, but within a few seconds or after a few minutes, you can say the stage fear also starts reducing.

A similar goes for when I go to talk to a girl; in starting, I feel scared, but after a few minutes, that fear fades away. Again, these are three simple things that you can, and you should do.