Attached Book Summary

Attached Book Brief Summary

Those of us who are comforted by scientific facts and collections of data will get a kick out of Attached. Attached book says that our attachment style, otherwise known as being insecure or secure, stems from our earliest relationships. And we have to know what style we gravitate toward in order to communicate those feelings to our partners. The good news? We can learn how to adopt healthier attachment styles with acknowledgment and practice. “It’s a socialized thing; it’s not a biological thing,” she says.

Attached book talks about every individual’s attachment style, This book says that your happiness and well being will also depend on your partner, research proves it, this book also shows that how well you will get along with your partner also depends on your attachment style, this book contains attachment styles which help you to know your attachment style.

About Author:

Before talking about the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love, let’s discuss the Book Author’s Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. Dr. Amir A. Levine is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry in the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Columbia University. Dr. Levine is also the co-author of a popular science book titled Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, which has been translated into 11 languages, and Another Co-author of the book Attached is Rachel. Rachel Heller, M.A. studied at Columbia University with some of the most prominent scholars in the field of social psychology. She now works with families and couples as a psychologist in private practice. Rachel lives in Israel.

Attached Book Full Summary:

Attached Book Summary – Chapter 1: Decoding Relationship Behavior

In this chapter, the author shares a few relationship problems. In First Problem, author shares a story of a girl, who dated a guy for two weeks and in just two weeks she started thinking whether the guy find him attractive or not, whether he will call him again or not,she started worrying miserably whether  he will find me attractive enough and obsessing about whether or not he’s going to call! she knows that once again she will manage to turn all her fears about not being good enough into a self-fulfilling prophecy and ruin yet another chance at a relationship!

Second Relationship Problem is of a guy who is charming and has dated many girls, but after a few weeks he loses interest and starts to feel trapped. It shouldn’t be this hard to find someone he is compatible with.

In the Third Scenario, Author discusses the relationship problem between husband and wife, a wife who feels lonely and incomplete even after being married for several years, she finds her husband disinterested, she finds that her husband never discusses his emotions or talk about the relationship, but things have gone from bad to worse. He stays at work late almost every weeknight and on weekends he’s either at the golf course with friends or watching the sports channel on TV. There’s just nothing to keep them together.  she thinks that Maybe she would be better off alone.

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Attached Book Summary – Chapter 2: Dependency is not a Bad Word

We have seen many people talking or many books advise that we don’t need man or women to be happy, we can be happy by staying alone, but this book says that all such things are based on the wrong presupposition, its not completely right that we function well all alone.

The author says that we are genetically created that way that we need someone to be with, and that has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we are, Author says that ones we get attached to someone Codependency inevitably kicks in.

however, it doesn’t mean that we have become dependent or weaker.

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Attached Book Summary – Chapter 3: What is my Attachment Style?

Rachel and Amir have identified three attachment styles, first: Anxious, second: Avoidant and third Secure.

1)Anxious Style: Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back, If you have an Anxious style, then you must spend a lot of time worrying about your partner, whether they love you or not and gets worried immediately if they don’t call back or don’t respond. You feel a constant need to be with your partner, need them to be accessible all the time and take what they do and say very personally.

2) Avoidant style: Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness, An Avoidant Attachment style means you value your independence more than your relationship, Avoidant style people usually struggle to share their feelings, they easily blame others even partner if things go wrong. Avoidant People keep holding out for “the right one” and that makes it easy for you to find little ways in which your partner irritates you.

3) Secure Style: Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving, This style people are balanced, they care enough and don’t get worried much.  Secure style people Love to share their feelings and they love intimacy, they share feelings they don’t crib, there’s a huge difference between cribbing and sharing. A secure partner is the best predictor of a happy relationship, and two secure partners rarely run into problems.

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This is the end of Attached Summary. These are few chapters from The book Attached. this book shares many more useful chapters and also techniques to identify your partner attachment.

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